Monthly Archives: July 2013
I hesitated to write this post because the last thing I want is to urge comparisons among mothers, or women for that matter. I thought maybe it was too vain, etc.
The truth is though… it was struggle and it continues to be a lesson for me as I wade through the thoughts of “doing it again” and so I want to record it.
Before I got pregnant I weighed 107 lbs.
People don’t freak out on me. I am petite and am 4′ 11” and 3/4. A normal BMI for me is 95 – 111 lbs.
So when “they” tell you pregnancy will probably make you gain 25-35 lbs. I thought man, that’s a lot, but… I went on to gain more like 50. I definitely “ate for two” and ate what I wanted vs. the extra nutritious 300 calories your baby/body needs.
I didn’t have that awesome beautiful pregnant body like I imagined. I got huge. Now partially, I have come to the conclusion that there isn’t a lot of room for an 8lb baby to go on a 5ft frame. Taller ladies have more room for the baby to grow. Seriously though, I worked out and walked for miles right up until Haddon was born.
So many people told me, oh don’t worry you will nurse it right off. So I wasn’t too worried about it, but then I had trouble with nursing. We moved. Micah got a job. I was about to go back to work. Lots of life was going on! I continued to eat what I wanted because I “needed the extra calories to make milk”.
I can’t remember the exact month but I realized I wasn’t going to be one of the ones that just “bounce” back. I started running and eating better. A friend of mine told me not to worry because normally after you quit nursing you lose the last couple pounds.
The temptation to quit was strong! I hardly make more than a bottle anyway. I am almost there. etc etc.
Then around 9 or 10 months postpartum, Haddon quit nursing on his own.
I continued with the healthier lifestyle and I did get back to pre-baby weight, even a couple lbs below. My body is changed though, it will never be the same, and that’s okay. I bore a child and as one of my new favorite quotes says: “you don’t participate in co-creation with God without being marked by the experience.”
The thought of doing it all over again is nerve-racking. Not to mention the other healing of your body, hormones, etc that occur throughout the year…
It is a lot of sacrifice. But then again, isn’t that what we do for our children as mothers? Sacrifice our bodies, our energy, our time, our money, etc day in and day out.
Another friend of mine told me before childbirth, this is one of the most Christlike things you can do for your baby. You are literally breaking your body for his.
When I decide I am ready to sacrifice like that again, or God decides for me… (like He did with Haddon haha) I know I will treat myself differently during pregnancy.
But I will also have a lot of grace with myself… I read the following this morning from an article about princess Kate showing her still bulging uterus a day after the prince was born:
“Here let me tell you: it’s a big deal to have a baby. After you have a baby, you are left with a softly pooched out tummy and aching nether-regions, sore breasts and your entire heart now laying beside you making noises like a kitten. You are weepy and exhausted, gloriously alive and powerful. You are a life-giver and so now you want both a nap and a hearty roast beef dinner for your troubles. Your skin is criss-crossed with stretch marks because you don’t participate in co-creation with God without being marked by the experience. You became a mother and, no matter how many sit-ups you do, your body will bear the imprint of that truth for the rest of your life in some way.
It can take a year, maybe longer, for a woman’s body to recover from birth. And right after having a baby, one’s focus should be bonding, nursing, sleeping, trying to figure out who the baby looks like, eating well, and healing – not on how soon one can fit into pre-pregnancy jeans or appear on a D-list celebrity rag in a bikini.
Now Kate looked beautiful and well dressed, of course, unlike us peasants in our maternity yoga pants and nursing bras for weeks after giving birth. (I have my suspicions that she may have been standing there in her heels wondering how much longer before she could go back inside and sit on the ice pack again though.) I’m no dummy either – I know she’s going to drop the baby weight quickly (and she likely has a nanny so she’ll look more rested than even those of us without infants any longer).
But still, she walked outside with her adorable baby belly on display and the world noticed. She did not hide her body and she did not demure from the truth of what she had just accomplished. I could have cheered because truthfully I’m a bit proud of my own pooch, I earned it three times over.”
I didn’t get stretch marks with Haddon but I might next time around, and if I do. It’s okay. This body is temporary anyway and my husband could care less.
Who else am I trying to have a certain body type for?
I’ll tell you – it’s not you, it’s me. I picture myself as a strength training, fit in my old jeans, tan teenager. That isn’t me anymore though and that’s okay.
I still want to be fit – more of the reasoning these days are mental and health related reasons versus vain ones but I’d be lying if I said they didn’t still exist.
I won’t share the before/after pics because it isn’t necessary but I will share my pooch belly from when I had Haddon (in my yoga pants of course) – see it? 😉
It was his home for 9 months, it takes a long time to build a home and it took me a long time and a lot of discipline to almost “flatten” out the land again.
When it’s time to build again, I pray to God that I will keep an eternal perspective on the process during and after; not letting fleeting beauty get the best of me.
Not a lot of words… but a lot of thoughts this weekend.
Just thinking a lot about how you get to have a say in what you fill your mind with, what you allow your heart to care about, who you want to influence you and so forth.
God gave us all a whole lot of free will to choose who we will serve, honor, love and what we will choose to do it with.
I am so sad I do not have onsies with numbers anymore!! I thought I would be done with these at a year, and while I may not make a book out of the rest of these monthly posts, I love documenting your life.
At 13 months here are some things about you sweet boy:
- You have an increasing vocabulary
Here is a list of your current words – although you say two more than others…
Truck | Button | Spoon | Book | Ba | Light | Dawg | Daa | Up | Help | Down | Bath | Block | Ball | Cart | Num Num | Cracker | Bube (blueberry)
You don’t pronounce them all as spelled…. Haha and that’s all I can think of at the moment.
You will notice that Mama is not on this list… you never say it… unless you don’t feel good… I am hoping this changes soon! Your little face lights up and you say “daaaa” in a real high pitch. It makes him glad, so at least there is that!
- Even more impressive to me than your vocabulary is how much you understand little one. You know where things go and you understand most directions like “wait” “no” “stop” “put this back”.
- Your favorite things right now are buttons and trucks. You think anything that has wheels is a truck, so that includes… bicycles, cars, strollers, carts, etc. You love to read about trucks, watch trucks, touch trucks, etc. For your birthday you got a book (actually you were given three) called the “Little Blue Truck” – it is your favorite. Grandma and Grandpa sent you a little blue truck to ride in you love the book so much.
- One day I put you in the car as we were getting ready and I was packing things up for the day. When I came out with one load I asked what you were doing and I realized you were just staring out into the road. You looked and me and pointed and said: “ucks”. You were so content to just stare out the back and watch the “ucks” go by.
- We don’t give you bottles anymore. When we went to the beach for fourth of July I just didn’t bring them. I figured if we were out of the routine from home we might as well be really out of it. It took two nights for you to settle without it… but it has been pretty smooth sailing since. You have cried for one twice since then, but are easily distracted with “poons” and other big boy things.
- You get to eat everything now! You don’t really have a favorite or noticeable dislike for much of what we feed you. Just as long as you get to feed yourself…
- You are walking and climbing all over the place.
- It’s almost as if you turned one and turned into a little boy and are no longer my “baby” (oh but yes you are and always will be), except… I am trying to get out of the habit of calling you “baby Haddon”.
- Your doc says you are in the 50% for height and weight. That makes me so happy.
You are perfectly and wonderfully made Haddon. I am so thankful God gave you to us and that you are healthy and strong and developing beautifully. I do not take it for granted.
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel”
(1 Peter 3:7)
I won’t give details online but if you live life with us on a regular basis you know that our family has been experiencing some opposition with another person in our life.
In our family, I pay the bills, I check the bank account, I make the grocery lists, plan meals, etc. Now don’t mishear me, Micah does more than his fair share around here. We seriously are a team.
Literally, Haddon wouldn’t be fed on the daily if it weren’t for both of us. Micah packs lunches and I make breakfast and dinner.
This situation, though, it just naturally fell into a category I would typically “handle”.
However, it got to the point where I couldn’t anymore. It wouldn’t have been healthy for me to.
Checking my e-mail made me nervous and anxious. I asked him to take it from me.
Let this be an encouragement: wives, like me, that like to “do it all” – free yourselves from that, whatever it is. Talk to your spouse about what is just “too much” and let him carry some of that for you.
Micah took over with this situation and let me tell you the burden it has lifted from my mind and heart, it was so heavy. It isn’t on his shoulders though. He doesn’t get emotional or worked up the way I do.
It has been so freeing and comforting to be “protected” by my husband in this way.
I love you sweets. Thank you for protecting me emotionally, physically, spiritually, and all the ways that you do.
Thank you for guarding my heart and mind and always bringing me back to eternal perspective and truth.