Monthly Archives: June 2013
Three years ago, I gave myself to someone else. It’s the best decision I ever made. It was my favorite day in my whole life. I don’t think I’ve ever smiled so big and hard. I’ve never felt something to be so right or to have such peace about a decision.
I had never and never will commit to a more serious situation.
I entered a responsibility to show my husband and the world:
- what it looks like to die to yourself daily
- what biblical manhood and womanhood look like
- the difference between a covenant and a contract
- the difference between commitment based on feeling and a covenant based on faith
- my sin at almost all times
I’d be lying if I said every day since that day has been the best ever. Sure, overall, these have been the best three years.
However, it is a sobering thing to die to yourself daily.
To live for and with someone else.
To not think of yourself as number one or more highly than you ought.
To try and “out serve” one another (thanks Bill and Cindy – Micah totally wins every time).
I fail at so many of those bullets daily, multiple times a day in fact.
But by the grace of God, I am who I am, and I am HIS daughter, who chose me to be Micah’s helper and He gives me the grace to love and respect Micah.
For the record, it’s pretty easy to love that man, except when I am being selfish.
So a prayer for these coming years is this:
That we would show how God has designed this one-flesh union of marriage as an image of Christ and His church.
That our marriage would help people see the significance and fullness of what it means for Christ to be one with His church. That we would realize and see the significance of it.
That we would continue to die to ourselves and live for Him without reserve of what lofty opinions we have or others think.
That we would show Haddon (and any other little arrows if the Lord chooses) what sacrifice, servant hood, and submission in love look like.
That we would do more for the Lord together, than we ever could apart.
Still one of my favorite passages ever.
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming. 7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. 11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Every year since I’ve been with Micah, I have made him a slideshow for his birthday.
At the end of the slideshow I always read him some crazy poem I made up.
I figured the tradition must continue with Haddon!
so here is Haddon’s little birthday poem (a couple days late – it was a crazy weekend):
Oh Haddon, happy day sweet boy.
Today marks one year since your birth.
Besides your dad, you’re my favorite thing on earth
You have such a teachable heart
I never would have guessed that from the start
I pray He will make His face shine upon you
That I would care for you well too
You are a huge part of my mission
When showing people His great commission
You are my disciple little son
We’re running this race together and the fight has already been won
I’ve never worked so hard before
There is much work to do before you go out the door
I just love you so so much, come what may
I could smell your baby skin all day
You’ve changed me in so many ways.
I promise to love you dearly all of your days
Daddy and I strive to train and develop you in every place
Truly though, it’s only by God’s grace
You are His and not our own
In this life you are just on loan
Whether its 1 year, 20 years, or 63
I am so glad that God gave you to me
You are such a delightful child
The perfect combo of meek and mild
You are coming up on one year this Saturday little boy. I have a special post for that, so I wanted to fill you in on this month so far.
You are the best and my favorite person to be around besides your daddy.
You have gotten very vocal this month. We communicate in so many ways. You still don’t sign… you would rather slap your tray and say “mmmm” rather than put your fingers together for more food. I’m cool with it baby, I don’t speak any other languages either. We are trying to teach you to say “up” instead of just whine to be held, so you scurry to us, hold on to our thighs with your head between our legs and say “pa pa pa” in the most frantic of a little voice.
We took you to the beach and pool this month with friends. It was a blast!!! I almost dropped 12k on a pool right then and there because of how thrilled you were to be in a pool. You went under the water a couple times, we played motor boat, and my favorite – you sat on the edge of the pool and listened to the command to “wait” until mama said “ok, come – jump” and then you would reach your little hands out to me, scoot your bum off the edge and trust me to catch you in the big pool. I did, every time.
I always want you to trust me.
You are slowly transitioning to milk from formula… the first couple nights you woke up screaming and nothing would console you but a “baaa”. So I gave in, because who wants to go to bed hungry? Now, I am trying to make sure you are eating and drinking enough during the day so that doesn’t happen.
For a couple days this month you had a fever but nothing else was wrong… I stayed home with you until your fever left and loved every minute of it. The day the fever broke you got a weird rash. I think it was something called roseola.
You have taken a couple steps as of this morning but that’s about it. You’ll never go back to crawling again soon. *tear*
You like to touch all buttons, light switches, doors, etc.
You definitely show your emotions these days… sad, mad, frustrated, excited, happy, funny, you name it. While most the time you are a serious little sage and make the same face, you have no problem showing us how you feel.
You sweet son, are my greatest, hardest, fascinating, most motivating, delightful, changing, joyous, entertaining, hard earned, undeserved (in a good way), and beloved work.
I can’t tell you the amount of times I questioned that little flower petal pulling saying throughout my teen years and into my early twenties.
Thank you Micah that I never have to question that…
When I have honey do lists a mile long… and all you really want to do is relax
When I ask you to shut your drawers and the closet every night before we can go to bed
When I violently shake you until you stop snoring long enough for me to fall asleep
When I spend more money that you ever wished I would have
When I don’t make your lunches
When I pay more attention to Haddon
When I send you 1000 emails a day
When I try to talk to you about serious things at the most inconvenient times
When I say things that gross you out
When we disagree
When I don’t answer my phone
When I don’t want to talk about it
When I’d rather go for a run
When I sound accusatory
When I am not gentle
When I say things or act a certain way I know you love me, I know you’ll forgive me (and quickly), and I know you will long suffer with me.
Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for loving me like Christ, I am so undeserving of your consistency.
Thank you for never letting me question (even on hard days).
I was listening to a sermon this morning on the radio… I almost changed the channel because I have less than a 10 minute commute and I just wanted some tunes. I felt compelled not to. It was from Exodus. Which my church is also studying… think the Lord is trying to help me get some major points? haha
Well 20 minutes later, I’m sitting in the parking garage praying, crying, scribbling notes and being late to work.
The Lord has definitely been speaking to me lately, in a way that I haven’t felt or experienced in a long time.
I won’t speak too much to the many ways He is doing this right now… I feel like it’s probably too soon and I want to use discretion and wisdom in speaking on such topics (even on my own blog).
I will say though, this both scares and excites me. I have a feeling my standing still won’t actually physically look like standing still and yet… I will be, and God will be doing the moving.
Who knows? Only Him in reality!
I do know though that if He moves the way I think He is moving, I want ya’ll to see it.
I want to document it.
I want His glory seen and His salvation known and people to see that He is Lord over my life.
He is Yah.
Meditate on this today (I know I will be):
If the Lord tells you to move forward He won’t let you drown, what if you never see a sea in your life part, because you are too afraid to step forward?
You are praying about it? Great! (Me too)
Don’t use prayer as an excuse not to proceed…
Exodus 14: 13- 15
And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” The LORD said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward.