Monthly Archives: May 2013
My mind is busy with many things. Because of it this post may be a little discombobulated.
Lately, when people ask the normal: “how are you?” I give the expected, “doing well”, “doing fine”, “doing good” but lately I’ve stopped myself and said you know… “I’m a little overwhelmed but besides that I’m fine”.
What does that even mean?! Yeah, I don’t know either and I’m trying to figure it out.
There is just a lot going on in my heart and mind.
I feel the Lord stirring in me like I haven’t felt in a long time and that thrills me and scares me at the same time. He is doing things, showing me things, etc like He used to deal with me when it was time for me to learn something or obey.
See the thing is… well, I am very quick to ask for forgiveness, say sorry and brush it under the rug.
I don’t like conflict, with others, with myself, within my soul. I just don’t like it, period.
I do that with others, I do that with Micah, and most importantly I do that with God.
There is a huge difference between feeling bad and saying sorry and true repentance.
Sometimes I can fool Micah, but I can’t fool God. He sees. He is El Roi. The God who sees.
The thing is though… there is so much going on in there, I have lost sight. It is a dangerous thing to become insensitive to conviction or become apathetic and complacent. Yes, grace and forgiveness is there, but we should not abuse those attributes of our most awesome God. He is a heart surgeon and I haven’t been letting myself get surgery. I am like Martha and claim I am “too busy” to sit at Christ’s feet and let Him teach me.
I think this stirring is for God to help me see what He does.
I think I have a lot to brush out from under the rug. A lot of heart and mind clean up to let Him do. Please Lord help me be still. I have proved that I cannot on my own.
This may take some time. Pray for me please.
PS: do yourself a huge favor, take an hour, get a good drink, go outside and read all 10 of these blog posts: http://kellyneedham.com/2010/09/26/10-days-of-prayer-and-repentance/
Sweet little boy…
You continue to capture our hearts daily.
You love your dada and love to lean against the door and watch him do yard work; sometimes you even help him pull weeds. When you say his name it’s the sweeeeetest sound.
You are such a big fan of dogs. You have gotten to the point where we no longer have to tell you they are there and point them out, etc. If you are on a walk and even hear one, you say “dooiii” with a lot of excitement.
Clementines are your favorite fruit right now. They make me a little nervous because you slurp them down faster than you bite little pieces but you love them so much you can’t eat them fast enough.
You are SO big. I mean mama is short… but seriously when I hold you… you are half of me. The first year of life has to be the most amazing physically. You’ve done a lot of work learning and growing!
I’ve realized that I don’t think you like to read as much as you just love books. You would rather turn the pages all day long than stay on a page for more than 4 seconds! Good thing a lot of your books have a couple words on each page. Speaking of that…I could read Pat the Bunny without ever.ever. looking at a single page.
You climb. One day I was in children’s church changing a different baby’s diaper and I turned to see you climbing on top of the little chair about to climb onto the table.
You aren’t walking, and it’s hard to imagine you will be before your birthday… you are starting to stand on your own for a couple seconds at a time though. It’s hilarious. You get really proud of yourself and look at us, like “look what I am doing, have you ever seen anything better?!” Then, you flip a switch and you start to whine like its scaring you and plop right down to your bum.
You love water still. I can’t wait to take you to the beach this summer. Well… you love warm water, so we’ll see how that goes.
You play the dropping game like it’s your #1 job. I don’t always play along… but when I do I look at the dropped item and say “oh mannnn” (I don’t really prefer saying uh oh) like Aunt Linda used to do. You think that’s pretty funny and try to copy me. It just kind of sounds like “ohhmhmmh”.
Daddy thinks we should give you a sibling… but I think life with you is just great right now, right? Although I’m sure you would LOVE one. When you see babies now, you come to them with mouth and arms wide open… haha
Out in public you don’t pay a lick of attention to us. You stare at everyone else. Is there anyone else on this earth more extroverted? I don’t think so.
I love you so much sweet little darling!
I have learned more from you and as a mommy this year than I ever have in my life.
OH another thing, I gave you a haircut. Just a little because well the sides were just really long and you have more hair in the back anyway. I didn’t save it. I just sneaked up on you in the tub one day.
You sweet son, are my greatest, hardest, fascinating, most motivating, delightful, changing, joyous, entertaining, hard earned, undeserved (in a good way), and reciprocated work.
Today my sweet wife is turning 27 years old. (Plus 9 or so months, of course)!
I am thinking about what it means to be a mother as “mother’s day” approaches.
I have always had an awesome mama.
I gained an awesome mama through marriage.
I think I am an awesome mama (most of the time).
I can’t help but think though, for some women, this is a painful day.
A reminder of what they don’t have and what they long for.
I feel so much joy to have Haddon and my moms.
I know that not everyone has a great relationship with their mom or mother in law.
I know friends that want to experience pregnancy, birth, adoption, etc. and they don’t know if it’s in God’s plan for their life…
There is nothing I can do but be thankful, pray, and offer encouragement.
So, would you like to know something so encouraging to almost all of us women?
That we are designed and capable of mothering.
I looked up mother in the concordance.
It can be a word used to refer to mothering… humans, relationships, animals and even as a place, figurative language, or symbolically.
Eve was called the mother of all living, before she gave birth to sons.
How awesome is that?
Don’t most women mother humans, relationships, and/or animals?
Probably a lot of you mother all three.
Being mothers should not define us. Our identities are in Christ.
Mothering is a gift we get to take part in.
No matter what your role of mothering, thank you for the way you nurture life.
If there is one definite word to characterize my understanding of mothering a human and parenting this year, it is: different
All families are different.
All situations are different.
All children are different.
All mothers are different.
Happy Mother’s Day!
May you rely on His strength alone to be the best mother you can be, to whatever and whoever He has allowed you to mother.