Monthly Archives: April 2013
I used to struggle with an eating disorder. After a stressful week, I hit a rocky point yesterday; it hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting, as I haven’t struggled with an eating disorder in a long time. If you know me, you know cupcakes are one of my favorite things, ever. So if you read this please don’t worry about me. It was a fleeting temptation and Jesus gave me a way of escape. I am thankful for the continual renewing and restoring of my mind and body He gives me.
I know you can hear me and you feel those hunger pains.
Yeah but I still remember the stain.
Its half past noon, you know the clock hasn’t stopped?
Shush it- don’t you know I’ve got weight to drop.
Food is for energy, health, and fun.
Yeah well, the more I eat, the more I should run.
You are getting tired, remember food is fuel.
I go right back to the place when I was in school.
You don’t have any more control than you did then.
But when I get skinny it feels like I win.
Quit your antics and remember who you live for.
It wasn’t that long ago since He showed me the door.
He broke you down and opened your eyes to see.
I won’t take my sight for granted by thinking too much of me.
You said that you would use your experience so that others might see a different way
That’s the only reason I’m posting this today.
20 minutes later – dang that lunch was good.
When you have had an eating disorder, your mind doesn’t forget.
Your body doesn’t completely forget either.
Just like any sins…
Temptation can bring you right back to places.
The littlest of things can make you stumble.
Be on guard. Be aware of what those things are.
You will always be tempted.
Hear this though:
Christ does completely redeem.
Christ will always give you a way of escape.
How you respond to that truth can be everything.
At this point I don’t feel crazy for planning your first birthday!
You are growing up quickly little one.
It was so great to spend over a week together on our family adventure to TX.
You were a champ and even did better than mama sleeping outside and hiking long distances (it probably helped that you were carried on our backs…).
Our family loves you so much and it brings me so much joy to see them with you.
This past month you got your two top teeth.
You are starting to balance without holding on to things, coast along toys, and can walk (a little) while holding on to your hippo walker.
You are a fanatic over certain toys and books (frog friend, duck, pat the bunny, veggies tale books that sing)
I am convinced that you talk. You say mama (but is sounds more like mum mum mum), dada, ba (for bottle, book, block, bird, bear) really ba is what comes out of your mouth the most I would say, when you see a dog you say da, and open your mouth for kisses. You also grunt a whole lot. I think you want to say so much more than you are capable of right now. So anyway, it is still more babbling than talking but it is the best!
You stopped nursing about a week ago, on your own. I wanted to at least make it till a year but one day you wouldn’t do it, I tried to make you and you refused. I realized how unnatural that was. It was then that I realized that part of our relationship was done. You haven’t tried to since. I am so thankful that the Lord is faithful in not letting me feel guilty, depressed, etc about it. I worked SO hard for a long time. I don’t say that out of pride, it’s just that it was a struggle for us for a long time, I never made a lot, have a super slow let down, and had to pump all the time at work, on business trips, etc just to keep my measly supply up and I don’t regret one second of it. I am thankful and I continue to be. Thanks for making it easy for us to move on.
I was a little nervous that our bond wouldn’t be the same. HA, boy was I wrong. I can’t leave your sight when we’re home right now without you “scurrying” as fast as you can into whatever room I am in yelling “mum mum mum”. I don’t know if it’s your age, the transition back from TX, quitting nursing, or a combination of all of it but this separation anxiety is annoying/pretty cute. Just don’t do that too long please… I’d like to be able to go to the bathroom without you scratching my legs. You still love your babysitters and strangers though! That is a blessing; it’s just something about when we’re home you need to be with me…
You are the most extroverted baby I have ever seen. You literally crawl on people at bible study and just make the rounds to see everyone who is there. Seriously, you can be in the worst mood at home and we go some where and you LIGHT up.
Every month just gets better and better sweet son. We love getting to know you.
You sweet son, are my greatest, hardest, fascinating, most motivating, delightful, changing, joyous, entertaining, hard earned and undeserved (in a good way) work.
Check out Haddon’s previous months here.