Monthly Archives: January 2013

Eyes Wide Open

This morning my husband woke me up and would not let me give him my “5 minutes” hand signal.

He cuddled me, took away my down comforter, told me the coffee was ready, he went through it all.

I finally got up, hugged him back with eyes closed and went to wake up my baby to feed him.  Sometimes I think it’s so unfair the schedule he has to follow because of Micah and my life… but anyway…

I fed him and hopped in the shower.

As I reached up to grab the shampoo I (still groggy) almost knocked over every bottle that was on the shelf.  My first reaction – shut your eyes as tight as you can!  I didn’t think about it.  It’s just what happened.

As if closing my eyes was really going to protect me from the falling boulders… okay bottles, but still.

How often in life do we do that, especially in periods of unknown or suffering? Just wait for it to all be over?  For the next season to come, and this one to pass?

The older I get and the more I desire to be like Him, I am realizing you cannot just “be carried” by Him and then look back like the poem Footprints would have us do.

Sure, there are times we need to be carried, need to close our eyes and be still.

But really, I am realizing I want to WATCH what He is doing in my life, even when I don’t understand it.

There is only one way I can do that in the here and now, without it being reflection, and that is to keep my eyes wide open.

I will try to be like my son, everything is new and sometimes enjoyable, most things are changing constantly, and almost everything is not understandable or always enjoyable – yet he still watches and he follows (sometimes with whining).

Lord, help me be like an uncomplaining child, secure in Your love for me and my identity in You, when it comes to You teaching me, help me know You always have the best planned.  Help me keep my eyes open to You and close them from the distractions and lies of this world. Amen.




7 months.


Haddon Isaiah –  how are you 7 months old today?!

Every month I write that statement like “what another month? Crazy, I didn’t see it coming”.

The truth is though I see you every day. I see your good side and your bad side. Your sad side and your happy side.  Your gentle/calm side and your little bit crazy side.  I love every bit of you to pieces!

You know your name and you know how to scoot to me when I call you!

You are a little scooter bug.  I don’t know when the criss-cross action happens for crawling but you definitely get around.  One of my favorite moments this past month is when you found us!  I was cutting dad’s hair in the bathroom and you were happily playing in the living room.  Well I guess you heard the Sho Baraka jams and mom and dad talking and had to come see what it was all about.  I had just said, I should go check on him and when I turned to do so you were inch worming your way into the bathroom door!  “hey, where’s the party at!?”

One of my least favorite moments of the month is when I got sick while I was holding you… all over the living room, I think some even landed on your pjs, sorry.  Don’t worry daddy changed you right away and you never got sick!

You have tried all sorts of food.  You made a really great reaction to black beans!  Weird.

You are also obsessed with bananas.  I put them in this little net that someone got you, it has a handle so you hold it all by yourself and suck till there is nothing left.  It’s the funniest you little monkey.

You have mastered the art of sitting… when we place you in that position.  You are just figuring out how to get out of that position by yourself.

You used to only like pacifiers to go to sleep but now you have learned to put them in your mouth by yourself and I feel like every time I turn around you have found a new one.

We had a little bit of sleep regression this month (much to mama’s dismay…) I blame it on a lot of things but I think we are finally getting back to a routine.

You are teething.  Those teefers haven’t popped through yet but I can feel the buds and you attack most things trying to get relief, including your papa’s nose.

You have a little bit of separation anxiety… but it manifests differently than I expected.  Actually, I expected you to not get it since you like everyone.  You don’t like when any of your care takers leave you… (if you aren’t in the mood for it). Haha you are a little unpredictable that way… sometimes you are fine playing on your own for an hour.  Other times you want your loved ones right next to you!

At your 6 month check up you were in the 50th percentile for weight, height, and head circumference.  You won’t even know how that thrills me until you have your own baby someday.  Especially after the road we started with.

I also realized that you are a wiggler.  You never stop moving your feet, ever, and neither does your dad, which I never realized until I noticed it about you.

Now that you are getting more mobile you try to climb up in my lap, its the cutest.

What is not the cutest is that I have started to tell you “no” at certain things to instruct you not to touch and you laugh at me…this will not be acceptable son! Even though sometimes I have to turn and look away at your dad because I am laughing… Discipline is going to be way harder than I envisioned…

This month I feel like we are starting to interact together much more than before, and I love it so much.  I love you, I love being your mama, and I love the way you love me.

You sweet son, are my greatest, hardest, fascinating, most motivating, delightful, changing, and joyous work.

6 months.

5 months.

4 months.

3 months.

2 months.

1 month.

A Mother’s Lullaby


Last night going to bed, Haddon and I read a book called “I love you more”.

It’s a flip book about a “war” between a mom and her son about who loves who more.

When it was finished I looked at his sweet baby face and prayed, may the Lord bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you, and give you peace.

I put him in his bed awake but sleepy and his head popped right up like a little ground hog.

The last few weeks have been a little unpredictable when putting him to sleep.

If all his physical needs are met sometimes I let him cry himself to sleep.

When I can tell his teeth hurt sometimes I give him Tylenol or teething tablets.

Sometimes when he has emotional needs I want him to know I’m there.

I turned off his light and just started humming lullabies.

He made his little “nom nom” noises on his pacifier and drifted off to sleep.

It isn’t always that easy (especially lately) but last night was sweet.

Here are two of my favorites:

Shirley Temple/Goodnight My Love:

Goodnight my love
Your Mommy is kneeling beside you
Goodnight my Love
To dreamland the Sandman will guide you
Come now you sleepy head
Close your eyes, go to bed
My precious sleepyhead
You mustn’t play peek-a-boo

Goodnight my love
Your little Dutch dolly is yawning
Goodnight my love
Your Teddy bear’s called it a day
Your Dog is fast asleep, my but he’s smart
Sleep tight my love, goodnight my love
God bless you, pleasant dreams sweetheart

Goodnight my love
The tired old moon is descending
Goodnight my love
My moment with you now is ending
It was so heavenly, holding you close to me
It will be heavenly
To hold you again in a dream

The Stars above
Have promised to meet us tomorrow
‘Till then my love
How dreary the new day will seem
So for the present dear, we’ll have to part
Sleep tight my love, goodnight my love
Remember that your mine, sweetheart

Kristyn Getty/A Mother’s Prayer:

Before you close your eyes to sleep
I have a promise still to keep
As I hold you in my arms
I pray your little frame grows strong
And that faith takes hope while you are young
This is my prayer for you

Hold my hand, I’ll teach you the way to go
Through the joys, through the years
The journey of these years
May you trust Him till the end
May you trust Him in the end

This world is not as it should be
But the Savior opens eyes to see
All that’s beautiful and true
Oh may His light fill all you are
And the jewel of wisdom crown your heart
This is my prayer for you

Hold my hand, I’ll teach you the way to go
Through the joys, through the tears
The journey of these years
He is with us till the end
He is faithful till the end

You’ll travel where my arms won’t reach
As the road will rise and lead your feet
On a journey of your own
May my mistakes not hinder you
But His grace remain and guide you through
This is my prayer for you

Take His hand and go where He calls you to
And whatever comes, seek Him
With all your heart
This will be my prayer for you

Father hear my ceaseless prayer
Oh keep her in your care