I felt funny writing that title. I suppose it would be more appropriate to say, “Working outside, inside, and all around the home Mama”
I have heard in the last two months that I make working and being a mom look so easy.
It is not, at all, but let me be clear when I say…staying at home with Haddon during the day was the hardest work I’ve ever done.
Ladies, that do it (especially with your own and mine) I hold you in very high esteem. Ladies, that go to work, I understand you and your choices and can relate to you very well.
This blog isn’t going to be very cohesive, because the truth is, I don’t know what is “right” for our family. I just know what we’re doing “right now”.
Should that ever change, and then change again, I don’t want to feel like what we are doing is wrong.
I think in life you just roll with the punches.
I always thought (still think) that I would/will be a “stay-at-home” mom, someday.
When I got pregnant (surprisingly), I never thought about the potential of staying at home, Micah didn’t have full time work or benefits yet and we just made plans like I would go back.
Well, he has those now, but I still chose to “go back”.
Since we have been married (almost 2.5 years), we have lived in 4 different homes (rentals or other people’s), finished school, started and ended jobs, and unexpectedly got pregnant.
That’s a lot of change.
I wasn’t sure (am still not sure) I could handle the change of “not working” after less than 2 years.
I didn’t like that when I was home with him I spent countless hours on blogs and Facebook (it’s one thing for me every so often while I feel like I am being productive, it’s another when I feel like that’s all I’m doing), hardly getting things done (real hard for this Type A, “to do” list checker offer), and being emotionally exhausted by the time Micah got home.
I am sure some of that would look different now that Haddon isn’t such a newborn and doesn’t have to be held 24/7 😉
If I do stay at home someday I would rather it be when Haddon can remember it more than right now when he is so small. Not that he isn’t being shaped right now, but you know… when he is older and tells stories, he won’t be like: “remember that one time I was 5 months old and you went to work”.
So anyway, I started praying about who would watch Haddon.
By God’s grace and provision, we undeservingly have three amazing babysitters for him.
I know he is loved while I am at work.
I know he is cared for by women that have the same beliefs and values I do.
I know he is “ok”.
I know he has fun!
Being at work means (in no particular order):
- I don’t get to see Haddon for more than a handful of hours during the day.
- I am most often exhausted.
- Mornings and evenings can look a little crazy if we’re running behind.
- I have to pump WAY more than I care to. I think I can hear that sound in my dreams.
- Haddon loves people and will go to anyone.
- Haddon knows how to roll with the punches (for the most part).
- Micah and I make a dag on amazing team. Seriously, I could not be half the woman I am without him.
- I have an easier time not idolizing Haddon. (except on weekends and the evenings, where Micah says: “did you really just take another picture of him, look at your phone, that’s all there is!”)
- I am more patient and loving when I am with Haddon.
- Micah and I know our time together is precious and I think we respect how much each of us do.
- My house looks like people live in it. I really do like magazine picture homes, but come on, really? I don’t believe in them anymore.
- I absolutely cherish the time I am with my boys.
There are many more, but these are just some thoughts.
Just a quick note on a biblical point of view, because so many Christian moms stay home (which I truly do think is awesome), it is not sin if you dont, I don’t see any where in scripture where woman are commanded to stay home. Sometimes I feel like Christian communities can be so condeming of that (not mine at all), just in general.
The bible does say that we are to be homemakers, and that looks very different at each home.
As soon as Micah (well hopefully before Micah) tells me, I need to prioritize the home more, I’ll stay at home, full-time.
Until then, I’ll run this crazy life race by faith, anxiety free, trusting that my family is growing from each experience we have.
So should you, whatever you’re doing. Do it by faith-
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
Oh and just a little peek into our lives during the morning…
If you looked in the window at 7 am, you would usually find us all on the couch together, with coffee of course, and Micah reading to Haddon and I, while he nurses.
If you looked in the window at 8:55 am, you might find this:
Haddon’s room, him still undressed, me getting ready, spit up on my shirt, and laundry that needs to be folded in the background.