Monthly Archives: September 2012

Sin and a Savior.

My heart and mind have been so consumed lately with the law.  Something I have been trying to figure out since I started studying the bible in college.

We are studying through the book of Exodus at church and let’s just go ahead and say we are all lawbreakers.

While I study these commandments I see my sin so clearly, and isn’t that part of their purpose?  To show us our desperate need of a Savior?

Thinking through even the Ten Commandments…a quick thought about all ten…

  1. I often times turn to myself as ruler of my life
  2. I definitely have what many would consider graven images or images made in likeness (in fact I don’t even see how it is possible for the 21st century population to avoid them completely)
  3. I frequently use His name falsely
  4. I don’t remember the last time that I purposely rested in Him (especially for a whole day!)
  5. T here were many times in my life I did NOT honor my mother and father
  6. I have been angry
  7. There has been adultery
  8. Things were taken
  9. I have spun stories and the way I say things
  10. I covet (a lot to be honest)

Praise Yahweh for His son and the crazy awesome way He has set us free from the chains and bondage that we were in.

People back then couldn’t keep law perfectly.  We can’t keep law perfectly and anyone who says they do is a liar and we should be wary of them.

You saw that I wrote how is it possible in the 21st century to avoid it completely?  It isn’t, it wasn’t then, and it isn’t now!

I won’t pretend I understand the law perfectly, let’s be real – even very well! I also don’t want to just say, grace, grace, grace and do what I want.  I want Him to search me and know my heart, to try me and know my ways and see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way of everlasting life.

I want to remove every worldly, brainwashed, influenced thought from my mind and trust in Him with all my heart, lean not on my own understanding, and in all my ways the best I know how, acknowledge Him, and He will direct my paths.

I am so thankful that He completes the works He starts and does not leave us or forsake us.

I am so confident that He knows my heart and mind better than I know it for He fashioned them and gives them life no matter what they are fed.

Just some mumblings of my spiritual life lately… 😉  thanks for reading.

“Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.” Galatians 1:3-5

3 Months.

One month.

Two months.

You were three months old Saturday baby Haddon.

You are capturing my heart more and more every single day.

The newborn stage seems so far away now because you are learning and growing so much, I love to see your little mind and body get so excited to discover new things (like your hands).

Once I started giving you a little formula to supplement our feedings you morphed into this happy little guy!  Poor thing you were probably hungry for the first month and a half of your life.  You have chunked up a lot.  We haven’t been back to the pediatrician yet but I have a feeling you are climbing the charts.

Supplementing is not something I looked forward to or ever wanted to do, I always wanted you to have “organic” but if I’m honest I don’t always eat the best things and I’m sure in your life you will get some Oreos if you want.  I just had to realize what was best was your nourishment and development and thank God there was something to help you with growing.  It has made mommy so much less stressed! Oh my goodness.  It’s awesome.

You sleep in your crib in your own room and I thank you for it.

You still don’t sleep through the night but you do go for long stretches, sometimes only waking once a night and then I get to snuggle you anyway.

If only… you didn’t have gas.  It tortures both of us when you get it.  Daddy has been known to walk up and down the sidewalks of our neighborhood before it’s even light out because being outside calms you and mommy needs to go back to sleep.

You still love to be swaddled when you are tired.  I worry though that your arms won’t be as strong because they are held down tight… haha

You only like your pacifier now when you are falling asleep.  If I try and put that thing in your mouth when you are hungry you yell at me and if I just try because I think you might want it you spit it out and look at me like, “really”?  Once in a while you will suck it when you have gas and make this silly nom nom noise.

You are a sensitive little thing and startle very easily.  I wonder if you will grow out of this or if you will always have a sensitive spirit.  You are very inquisitive; you would rather stare so intently than try to grab it so far.  I wonder what your little mind is thinking about since you don’t know words quite yet.  We’re working on them 😉

I love to “wear” you and I think you enjoy it just as much as I do.

You absolutely love to interact with faces.  Mouths and eyes are fascinating to you and it is amazing to watch you try and copy us with your little features.  My favorite thing to do with you is hold you in front of me and let you stand on my stomach and we just laugh and make silly faces and weird noises.  You especially love when daddy gets home and does the same thing.

You are starting to be interested in toys; I try to show you lots of them.  You don’t really show a really strong preference to any of them yet, but you do love your Sophie giraffe and little bug friends and that are attached to your stroller.

On your activity mat you get really excited talking to your friends (especially Mr. Sunshine) with the big eyes but then you get mad at them and start to “yell”.  I come to your rescue but not before I stand and laugh at you for a second because you are too darn cute.

The first time I sang you “you are my sunshine” your little face lit up and I think I’ve sung it to you every day since.

You have started to squeal and laugh.  It is the sweetest sound in the world to me and cracks me up every time.

I went back to work last week, but…

You sweet little one are my greatest, hardest, and fascinating work.

Companionship.

by Micah.

Have you heard the question posed to a married couple, “what’s your favorite part about being married?” I have. Sarah asks me what seems to be tri-annually.

My go-to answer, and I think it’s accurate, is companionship. This is often the answer that I hear from others as well. It’s sometimes fleshed out by the newly married individual saying “it’s just so nice not having to leave at night.” I’ll never forget Dan Bergey talking to me about him and Simone before Sarah and I were married and he described it as being a lost puppy dog when Simone wasn’t around!

This week has confirmed that. Haddon in the equation adds to the love of others’ presence factor. I’ve been in Delaware for training all week and it’s Sarah’s first week back at work. It was so nice to be able to go home to Sarah…even if she’s occupied and can’t converse or do anything that has to do with me at all!

Being away does help me appreciate my wife, and therefore comprehend the unity that God has molded us into as well. It is difficult to live as “one-flesh” while states away from one-another. It helps my sympathize for those in the military all the more as this is barely a taste of the mouthful that they must stomach.

 

Sarah and I are meandering through Galatians with one another from afar. She wisely picked it as we as a church are going through the law in Exodus and understanding our ability to apply it through Christ. There is in Galatians a consistent theme of “without faith in Christ, your efforts are futile.”

It has been a blessing to learn lately that

A.                    Part of the law’s intentions (as a gift from the LORD) are to point us to our need for Christ

B.                    Paul writes the Galatians to reveal that those who put their faith/trust in the Gospel of Christ will be led to rely on another

C.                    God created the concept of marriage (me and Sarah, for example) in order to image-forth the future relationship between His Son and His followers (me/the church and Jesus)

Of course I can break many of the commandments by relying on Sarah’s companionship too much…but Jesus’ commandments are not burdensome (1 John 5:3) and I’m thankful for marriage helping me understand the Gospel and the Gospel helping me understand how to miss Sarah while separated during marriage.

Haddon, if you ever read this sorry there’s a lack of mentioning of you but I do smile every time your wonderful mother sends me pictures of you and I can’t wait change your diapers while you scream because you’re on your back….and then smother you with my bearded kisses!

Back to Work.

Today I held my son with one arm and held my briefcase and pump bag on the other arm, I kissed him goodbye and waved at him and his grandmother as I drove off.

I am back at work today and Haddon is staying at home with his paternal grandmother.  I am going home at lunch to feed Haddon.

It has made the transition much easier knowing she is there and he can ease his way into having me gone in his own house.

The past two weeks have been particularly wonderful.  Once I started supplementing with a little formula Haddon was like a new baby!  Slept better, “played” harder, cooed louder, it has been amazing to see.  It could be his age too but either way, we have had fun.

The past three months have been the hardest work of my life.

We have had amazing service bestowed on us through friends and family and I am so ready to glorify God with the work of my hands in my family life and now work life.

I just hope I stay busy at work so I’m not thinking about making funny faces with Haddon all day.  I do miss him but this isn’t as hard as could be expected (so far).  I am looking forward to getting a schedule/routine down each day.  I mean I was up, showered, teeth and hair brushed, both of us fed, etc all before 9 am.  That hasn’t happened in a long time!

C2 set up a mommy room for me to pump which is great, especially considering I had a letdown about 20 min after I got here.

I am praying that my time with Haddon and Micah will be so meaningful and I won’t take a second for granted.

In whatever you do, do it all for His glory.

Be thankful in and for all things and see God’s teachings in everything you do today and every day.

On the agenda for tonight: working out and snuggling.

Hungry Haddon – Follow Up.

First of all, let me thank each of you that read this post and then let the encouragement, advice, prayers, check ins, and personal stories flow freely.

What an awesome thing to have a community that cares so much.

I am thrilled to say that one month later, we are doing … WELL.

Haddon is a little guy (low percentile) but gaining steadily.

Playing guess what’s wrong was so frustrating because I like to know things and then make a plan.

Here is what I think some of the issues were:

  • Lazy eater. Kid sucks to sleep so I would think he was done and take him off.  Now I do all sorts of things to keep him awake.  I had mastitis twice in the first month of his life and havent had it since now that I pump and wait longer during each feeding.
  • I have two let downs, I am just realizing that because I never used to feel it.  I guess we’re on the right track!
  • I have a small chest.  My LC told me that means I can produce I just cant store a lot.  Truth.  I don’t think I’ve made more than 2 ½ oz from both sides combined ever.
  • Stress. I handle stress pretty well thanks to the Lord but my body still reacts to it and I’ve had a lot of life stressors this summer.

Here are some of the things I tried, some of which I still do:

  • Fenugreek (vitamin that makes you smell like maple syrup)
  • Blessed thistle (vitamin)
  • Rest (I have taken more naps in the past 2 weeks than I ever did once Haddon was born.  I didn’t understand the “sleep when they sleep” mentality at first.)
  • Patience (my baby eats 2 oz every 2 hours during the day and sometimes at night.)
  • Pumping frequently (Had to trick my body into thinking I needed more when I first was trying to get him to gain.  I would feed him whatever came out.  Now I store it for when I go back to work.)
  • Fennel in food, tea, and pill form.
  • Lactation cookies

Since yesterday I have added a tiny bit of formula to a couple of Haddon’s feedings.  I can’t even describe to you the difference in him and I.  I have never heard him coo and seen him smile more and I have been much more relaxed.

It’s like a weight has been lifted.  I know since I am still pumping and breastfeeding I am giving him every benefit possible with our bodies.  I am just giving him extra.

It was nice not to “have” to from doctor’s orders but because I think it will be best for Haddon, his babysitters, and me.

I wish we didn’t have such trouble with it but it is what it is and I have learned a ton.

Thank you Lord for growing my son healthy.

Thank you friends and family for all the support.