Monthly Archives: August 2012

A Joyful Mother.

I almost didnt publish this because it has been a good day but I want to be honest.

These past few days have been rough.  Rough is an understatement really for the emotional turmoil my son’s digestive track is wrecking in my heart and mind.

While I am so thankful he is eating…

This week Haddon has been SO fussy, will only take naps if I am wearing him, needs to be held constantly, hardly smiley during his play/wake time, etc.

This morning is different.  I feel happier.

Circumstantial happiness:

He slept pretty well last night and even though I am wearing him right now as he goes on 2hrs of a nap I am getting lots of stuff done (today that includes doing my hair, makeup, two loads of laundry, making up two beds, sweeping three floors, moving some boxes, bringing in the cloth diapers from the line, and brushing my teeth).

I read in My Utmost for His Highest this morning this devotion


My joy has to come in doing this parenting thing because it is what the Lord has given me.  It is a great reward despite the difficult days.  The Lord’s will for my life is sanctification.  That has come in many ways including marriage and now mothering.

I’ve called Haddon, Haddon the handful (and Mr. grumpy pants) more than once this week to different people.  The truth is though he is human and some days his belly is going to hurt, he’s going to be gassy, or just plain in a bad mood sometimes.  Don’t we all have those days?

If I cant be joyful in my duty when he is an adorable baby, how will I handle the yucky stuff as he grows into a boy then man?

I am choosing to be joyful.  I want my son to feel that he was always loved and sacrificed for unconditionally no matter how he acted.

Hmm I guess I’m learning a little about the Father’s love for this wretched sinner that I am.  I sure am glad He parents me through the hard times and for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross.

Not because it made Him happy, no, but he counted it as great joy.

Just as a disclaimer, I do have plenty of happy moments with Haddon, but this parenting business is no easy feat and despite the adorable pictures I might post there are some crazy times.  Maybe I will have Micah take a picture of those. hah


2 Months.

One Month.

You are two months old Haddon Isaiah.  How fast the time is flying…

This month was a little wild and I think we both felt it.

We found out you werent gaining enough weight and mommy went into crazy mode… worry and anxiousness dont belong in the heart or mind of a child of God. Ill teach you that some day.

That said Ive been working the hardest I ever have in my life to make sure you are getting fed.

I thought by now you would be on a feeding schedule, sleeping through the night, etc but you are not  the cookie cutter baby.

You started cooing and its the sweetest sound in the world to me.

Your smiles make the fussy times better.

You think daddy is so fun with his lalala and wawawa songs.

No one can comfort you like me, at this point you are a mama’s boy for sure.  (is it the smell of maple syrup, ck one, milk – a mixture of all?)

We have your babysitters all set up.  I hate the thought of leaving you but these ladies make it much more bearable.

Daddy started a new job.

We went to the beach.

The visitors slowed down (kind of).

We moved into a home, the home you’ll learn to say your first words, crawl and maybe walk in.

I bawled like a baby the first time I read you The Jesus Storybook Bible.

You have the best eye contact, I could stare at you for hours.

I love you more and more all the time.

You are my greatest and hardest work.


Haddon and I have been at the beach spending time with the Downs this week at Grandma Ruth’s Cottage.

It’s been so relaxing after trying to pack up the house, get things ready for the move, and a “nursing vacation”.  Ok really, I mean two weeks of nursing and pumping nonstop.  I do understand why work is considering me “disabled” right now.

To date I have 4 weeks left of being on leave… but I have some awesome women taking care of Haddon when I go back (that’s a post for another time).

My mother in law was a nursing queen when she had her boys and wants me to be able to fulfill my desire of being able to nurse.  She has researched all types of food to eat for lactation and has been feeding me fish, fennel seed bread, blueberry granola and cookies, the vegetable fennel, and more!

My father in law goes to the beach before we even really get the morning started to set up the baby tent, put out chairs, and then comes back and packs the cooler for the day.

My brother and sister in law are amazing cooks.

(so we didnt exactly cook those but Jenn did teach us how to eat them!)

The first couple days Haddon slept “like a baby”.   I think the heat and ocean noise were the perfect recipe for good sleep.  Not to mention I’ve been really relaxed and I think he senses it.  He doesn’t mind having his feet in the cold water and I actually think he likes the feeling of sand between his darling little baby toes.

Micah was able to stay with us from Sunday – Tuesday morning.  He worked in Chesapeake so he could drive back to us Monday night.  We took a short walk on the beach and got a family snap shot in before he left to work for us and move us into our new home.  I love that man.

The beach with a newborn is an incredibly different experience than previous beach trips.  It’s very humbling.

I have to try and think on things above a lot… it’s a little hard for me to see all these fit bodies of young girls and feel my flabby tummy. I do have a stinkin’ cute baby feeding every 2 hours though that covers it up 😉 haha

Somewhat vain?  Yeah but this is a place where I’m real and that is something I have been struggling a little with.  I ask God to remind me that beauty is within; my husband is good at reminding me.  I just need to believe it about myself.

Every evening Mrs. Downs takes Haddon for a walk and I do my workout – Jillian “Get Ripped in 30” I do all the modified versions and have been on week 1 for a week and a half.  Maybe I will call my version “Fit in 40”.

Where is my every evening make sure to get in the word? OH that’s right, I need to prioritize that and having said… I think I’ll stop writing this blog and go spend some time in the word.

AH I almost forgot.  Haddon started smiling more consistently this week.

A boy…

and his dad.

melts my heart.

Softbums Baby.

cloth diapering.

What is the first thing that comes to mind?

folding huge long sheets?  clothespins?  messy poo?  line drying?

Well mine was: saving money… we rather spend or save on other things a month.  (personal preference)

After a lot of research while pregnant I went with Softbums.  I loved the simplicity, design, sleekness, and process of these guys.

Here is how we do it:

we have two shelfs above his changing table and one of them holds all the pods and one holds the cloth diaper shells.

When he makes a mess in it, you just take off the pod like so and throw it in the wetliner bag.


Then you throw the pods, shells, and wetliner bag into the washer and do a wash with cold with 1/4 of detergent and then rinse with hot with no detergent.

Then I line dry them because it makes the poop stains disappear!


really… the only thing I dont like about them is how long it takes for the pods to dry (incase I should have done laundry earlier, but I have disposable back ups just incase!) and how big they make Haddon’s bum look.

The system was a little pricey to start up but will save us a lot in the long run and thanks to family and friends we really didnt spend much on the system.  the kind we got are one size fits all and go from 5 lbs to the time they are potty trained.  thanks guys.

Do you cloth diaper? Why or why not?

What problems have you run into with them?  (I’ve only been doing it for a few weeks)


Hungry, Hungry Haddon.

The truth is that title is a lot lighter than my heart and mind have been this week.

Last Friday, Haddon’s pediatrician said I had two weeks to get his weight up.  He hadnt lost any weight but he definitely wasnt meeting the minimum 4 oz a week gain requirement.

I suspected… something about his nursing had changed, he was little, I had mastitis twice (once in both breasts), everyone would say “he’s 5 weeks, oh he must have been tiny at birth”… no, no he wasnt…, but the biggest give away… his anterior fontanelle would sink when he needed to be fed (I learned later that was a sign of dehydration or malnutrition).  It would go away when I would feed him though so I didnt think it was that big of a deal.

and so, it has been a week of trying to fight off worry, anxiety, fear, self-doubt, pride, etc.  To say I’ve been struggling a little would be an understatement.

I have learned more this week about breastfeeding, milk ducts, milk, weight gain, let down, baby poop, herbal vitamins, latches, galactogogues, milkin cookies, make at home lactation cookies, pumping, breast size storage capacity, sleepy eaters, foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, etc than I ever thought possible.

I have also learned, and probably the most valuable lesson of all – to listen to my son’s needs and to be patient with him.  A lesson I’m sure I will relearn a thousand times in his life.

I have also learned – use LLL.  Lactation consultants are awesome.  So are moms that have nursed, or even tried to.  Thanks for your encouragement ladies.

I have learned to communicate with my husband.

I will save you the MANY different details of what I suspected, how I am trying to change things, etc but let’s just say it’s been an emotionally, physically, and spiritually challenging week.  Maybe if I have a great success story, I’ll share what worked for us.  Or if I dont, want I tried and it still didn’t work.  At one of my showers one of the wise mamas said we’re sacrificing whether we sacrifice our bodies to breastfeed or our money for formula. amen.

One of the first nights since the doctor’s appt I found myself on my knees begging God to give Haddon enough food to eat, not too much, not too little, just enough manna as He gave the Israelites in the wilderness.  I found myself repenting for all the times I said “God probably didnt let my boobs get big during pregnancy because I would have liked that too much”.

I think things are looking up, I feel better, Haddon seems more satisfied, he even feels a little heavier 😉  time will tell.

Pray for us please.

Phillipians 4:6 & 7

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Do you guys have any breastfeeding woes?  How did you handle them?