Break Open.

You know the kind of girl that thinks she can do everything? 

The kind that even though she knows she isn’t in control of her life still pretends to be in her actions?

Yeah well…

I originally titled this post breakdown.  You see I have had a couple lately.

I look like a madwoman when it happens.

Tears, snot, squinty eyes, hysterical laughter, oh yeah, it’s quite the scene.  Poor Micah just looks at me trying not to laugh, but goes ahead and laughs with me asking what he can do and what’s wrong.

I don’t have answers.  Nothing is wrong.  I just don’t know what the answers are.  They haven’t been revealed.  We’ve just been called to journey in a certain season right now and that’s ok.

I think my mind handles it pretty well most of the time because of my faith in the One who is in control of all things, has our path laid, has our days counted, and knows us intimately. 

I think “it” just comes out in my emotions sometimes.  I’m sure the raging hormones don’t help… hey at least I haven’t been mean or grouchy. 

I am not used to being an “emotional” woman though.

I read in this little parenting book something that has stuck with me.

The author talks about how children have all these emotions and they have to be taught how to deal with them.  She likens them to a wild horse.  We all have one in us; we have to know how to rein it. 

You don’t want to stifle your emotions because emotions can foster things like compassion, mercy, tenderness, honesty, passion, boldness, and the list continues.  God can use those emotions to help drive you towards decisions you otherwise wouldn’t have chosen.

I am realizing it’s okay if I’m emotional and don’t know why (although there are certainly a lot of “stressors” in life right now I could attribute my feelings to). 

It’s ok to just be an open book before the Lord, before myself, and even to others.

Emotions can break you open, and maybe being open is exactly where He wants me.

Open to what, whom, where, how? 

*sigh*

Ephesians 1:11-23

11In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:12That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.13In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,14Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.15Wherefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus, and love unto all the saints,16Cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers;17That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:18The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,19And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,20Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,21Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:22And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,23Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

As His child, I can rest in the unknown, being sure of being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will.

When I dont know all the answers, or any of them really, there is so much peace in that promise.

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Posted on February 20, 2012, in Baby, Bible Verses, Christian Women, Thoughts and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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