Monthly Archives: February 2012

Break Open.

You know the kind of girl that thinks she can do everything? 

The kind that even though she knows she isn’t in control of her life still pretends to be in her actions?

Yeah well…

I originally titled this post breakdown.  You see I have had a couple lately.

I look like a madwoman when it happens.

Tears, snot, squinty eyes, hysterical laughter, oh yeah, it’s quite the scene.  Poor Micah just looks at me trying not to laugh, but goes ahead and laughs with me asking what he can do and what’s wrong.

I don’t have answers.  Nothing is wrong.  I just don’t know what the answers are.  They haven’t been revealed.  We’ve just been called to journey in a certain season right now and that’s ok.

I think my mind handles it pretty well most of the time because of my faith in the One who is in control of all things, has our path laid, has our days counted, and knows us intimately. 

I think “it” just comes out in my emotions sometimes.  I’m sure the raging hormones don’t help… hey at least I haven’t been mean or grouchy. 

I am not used to being an “emotional” woman though.

I read in this little parenting book something that has stuck with me.

The author talks about how children have all these emotions and they have to be taught how to deal with them.  She likens them to a wild horse.  We all have one in us; we have to know how to rein it. 

You don’t want to stifle your emotions because emotions can foster things like compassion, mercy, tenderness, honesty, passion, boldness, and the list continues.  God can use those emotions to help drive you towards decisions you otherwise wouldn’t have chosen.

I am realizing it’s okay if I’m emotional and don’t know why (although there are certainly a lot of “stressors” in life right now I could attribute my feelings to). 

It’s ok to just be an open book before the Lord, before myself, and even to others.

Emotions can break you open, and maybe being open is exactly where He wants me.

Open to what, whom, where, how? 

*sigh*

Ephesians 1:11-23

11In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:12That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.13In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,14Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.15Wherefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus, and love unto all the saints,16Cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers;17That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:18The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,19And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,20Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,21Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:22And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,23Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

As His child, I can rest in the unknown, being sure of being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will.

When I dont know all the answers, or any of them really, there is so much peace in that promise.

Counting the Ways.

Baby cakes,

Thanks for loving me so well.  I know it’s only because of His love over you that you can do it like you do.

1 John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us”.

Here are some (as insignificant as they may seem) really important ways you show your love for me.

  1. Thank you that we don’t have cable.
  2. Thank you that you sold your game system before we were even engaged.
  3. Thank you that we don’t have the internet.
  4. Thank you that we spent almost the whole winter (so far) with nights by the fireplace reading.
  5. Thank you that you let me have workout time.
  6. Thank you that you let me cook for you and have never ever complained about something I made.
  7. Thank you for when you cook even though you rather do almost anything else.
  8. Thank you that you encourage me to be thrifty and wise instead of coming up with gourmet meals.
  9. Thank you for not caring when I do spend a lot of money at the grocery store.
  10. Thank you that you don’t have a hobby, obsession, or anything else that you prioritize over our family.
  11. Thank you that you don’t drink a lot or care about going out.
  12. Thank you that you don’t spend ridiculous amounts of money.
  13. Thank you for teaching me to be more conscience of what I spend.
  14. Thank you for waking me up every single morning even if you have already left the house.
  15. Thank you for cuddling me for 30 minutes every morning when you are home in the morning (that time needs to be cut down though…haha).
  16. Thank you for always asking what you can do to help.
  17. Thank you for calling me when you get off work every day.
  18. Thank you for being so considerate and sweet to others, you are such an example to me.
  19. Thank you for talking to our son and making me feel beautiful as a pregnant lady.
  20. Thank you for your willingness to get healthy so you can help me after he is born (I do not thank you that he seems to have your genes and desires for ice cream and cookies).
  21. Thank you for printing things off the internet for me when you think they will be beneficial.
  22. Thank you for reading and studying so that I trust you for guidance.
  23. Thank you that you are goofy and use that silly, ridiculous voice with me and then ask me why I am the one that does that to you.
  24. Thank you for always driving.
  25. Thank you for always opening my car door.
  26. Thanks for that time you called and asked if I wanted any chick fil a (just FYI, always, the answer is always yes).
  27. Thank you that you care about providing but not about “finding yourself” through a job or career.
  28. Thank you that every time I ask for a kiss you say “how about a bunch of em”.
  29. Thank you that you read to me in the morning sometimes before I can even open my eyes.
  30. Thank you that you want to shower so you smell good for me.
  31. Thank you that sometimes you let me gel your hair since I think it’s cute.
  32. Thank you that you always ask what you can eat out of the fridge to make sure we use up things that go bad.
  33. Thank you for running errands and never complaining about it (unless you can’t find something in a certain aisle).
  34. Thank you for chasing me around the house (even if it’s with a harmonica…), I hope we always play.
  35. Thank you for marrying me into an awesome family.
  36. Thank you for loving mine.
  37. Thank you for not being perfect.
  38. Thank you for not holding grudges against me.
  39. Thank you that you always want to talk things out.
  40. Thank you that you are quick to forgive.
  41. Thank you for your attitude.
  42. Thank you that you care about our God and pleasing Him.
  43. Thank you for loving us Micah Downs.

I had Microsoft word count for me and that is just 43 ways you love so well.

MWAH.

We have a ….

To my little baby,

I’ve always wanted you. 

I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember.  Whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I “grew up” I promptly answered “a mom and wife”. 

By God’s grace and the gift He gave me of your father, I am both.

The ultrasound tech said you looked great.

The doctor said your heart sounded like a happy baby.

When I was younger I just wanted to hold a baby, feed and change one, take it on walks and put it into cute clothes, take pictures, be a family, and many other fun things like that.

Now that I am “grown up” I am realizing the responsibility that comes with you little one and it’s the most intimidating thing, ever.  Not so much the feeding and clothing you part, but the fact that your daddy and I are the ones God chose to care for and nurture your soul.  What an amazing job to have.

There are so many things we want to teach you Haddon Isaiah.

After much debate we chose your name for these reasons:

1.  Original.  We know no one with your name.  Haddon means from a meadow.

2.  It comes from one of daddy’s favorite theologians: Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

3.  That guy happened to be saved when hearing a man preach from a verse in Isaiah (we chose your middle name before we realized that but it’s a neat coincidence).

Isaiah 45:22 – “Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth!  For I am God, and there is no other.”

4.  Isaiah means “Yah is salvation”.   We pray you will spend your whole life searching out what that means.

Your mommy and daddy strive to live every single part of their lives through the bible and fortunately God’s word gives us lots of guidance on how to train you up.

Your birthday is in June and we can’t wait to meet you! 

PS: I hope you look like and are just like your daddy (in almost every way)!  😉