I chalk some of it up to my Type A personality. I like to get stuff done, and more often than not, in my idea of perfect time (much to the dismay of my sweet husband at times).
I chalk some of it up to being a people person and mostly an extrovert (this will make sense further down the post).
I chalk some of it up to being too much of a legalist (gotta make sure God thinks I’m doing a good job, and I want everyone else to think so too).
I work fulltime and that doesn’t leave many hours in the day for much else. However, I want to redeem all my time and make all time outside of work (and during it for that matter) fruitful, because I don’t work in vocational ministry. I am not saying that your vocation can’t be your ministry, not at all. It’s just that I can’t really meet with women, or do bible studies while I’m at work 40+ hours.
My heart and mind are often egging me on though:
- Did I call this person?
- Did I make this person feel loved?
- Are there enough bible studies?
- Are people invited over for dinner?
- What are our plans this weekend?
- Am I serving somehow?
Here is what I am finding though. I can’t do any of them well being distracted with so many things, so many thoughts. Maybe I don’t do as well of a job at work, or I neglect someone/something.
Now here is the crazy part. All of those things are good! I don’t mean checklist as in “let me just cross this off the to do list”. I honestly want to do all those things and I love the people the Lord has placed in my life to walk with.
However, it bothers me when hours will pass and I’ve thought more about “MY mission for my Master” rather than my Master himself, or what His mission might be.
It bothers me when I get judgmental because I see people not doing these things; which leads to pride, because I am not better because I do these things… and I have to practice humility and remind myself of that.
It bothers me when I see people doing so many things, seemingly so well and I compare myself to them.
I have four weekends unplanned between now and January (all fun things of course) but still I think it’s a bit odd, four weekends open in four months?!
For example, last night a sweet friend wanted to get together and I felt guilty telling her “no, I’d rather not; I need to rest and catch up on some things”. She is awesome and understood, but I shouldn’t feel guilty…
Thus, I will be evaluating how to carefully balance all of this busyness. I don’t want to be selfish with my time, but I also do not want to give it so much that I can’t grow and be still with the Lord. I want to prayerfully consider what the Lord would have me to do serve Him in His strength with the time He allots to me. I think I am definitely the Martha from the Mary/Martha story in the bible…
When we had a service appreciation dinner a couple months ago, our pastor reminded us of times that Christ and His disciples wanted some rest, wanted to eat, regroup, etc. Yet the crowds followed them and they kept working, working hard, and rested later. He encouraged us to keep on serving.
Christ always served; His life was a service and offering. I want to be like Christ. I can’t be more like Him though without knowing Him. I can’t run on my own strength, I’ll burn out. I definitely don’t want to be burned out and useless!
I might be saying “I can’t” or “no thanks” more often… it grieves me to say that. Haha
I don’t want to be a Checklist Christian, I want to be a Captivated by Christ Christian.
Thanks for listening!
How do you guys balance: life/ministry/family/roles/responsibilities/ETC?