To my first born,
Your time as my only is wrapping up sweet one.
I could never explain to you the emotions that come with that. I am so thankful for the time we’ve had together just you and me kiddo (and dad of course)!
When I first realized you weren’t my only anymore I was a little nervous about how I could love another child like I love you, cause it’s SO much.
I’ve realized over the last couple months though that I can. It might not be the same feelings, as you will each be unique and special to me in your own ways.
You have taught my heart how to love and sacrifice in a way that only you could.
I know God’s love for me better.
I know God’s desire for my discipline better.
I know God better because of you Haddon Isaiah.
I know myself better.
I know your dad in an amazing way I never would have if it weren’t for you. I love him even bigger too because of you.
So, I can say with much confidence that I know I will love your sister.
My love for each of you will only grow as we learn to live together and love one another unconditionally.
It won’t always be easy to stretch my love and love you each the way you need to be loved at all times. Grace will be there for that. Forgiveness. Mercy. Second Chances. We’re a family.
We’re a family that seeks to love God first. It’s only through His love we can love one another well anyway.
Son, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me apart from salvation and your dad.
I love you forever and I’ll try not to call you my baby when you’re a man… but you will always be the baby that I loved first.
I am beyond thankful for every second God has allowed me to be your mama.
Byrd and I threw Lauren a shower and her mom did as well. It has been such a fun ride to be pregnant together.
Mama Downs and Jenn threw my and Sylvia a joint sprinkle. It was so sweet and my little nephew is here as I type this. He was born on the 10th and I cant wait to meet him!
Mindy and Brittany threw me a surprise sprinkle while I was down visiting in Newport News the other week. I am a blessed lady let me tell you and so is this little girl.
Lauren and I’s little compilation of celebrations… the last until they are in our arms!
It’s been almost two months since I have written which is just crazy. I had big plans to document each one of these weekend trips but it just never happened. I will give myself grace for that and do a combined little blurb post with pictures to go along with the memories! Life is moving full speed ahead and it doesnt look like it will slow much before lil miss makes her arrival.
Aunt Linda’s – Murrells Inlet, SC
We traveled down to SC to see my aunt Linda and grandma and lots of other family members. It was a short and sweet trip.
Auntie Lindie’s – Yellow Spring, WV
My youngest childhood friend and I were talking on Facebook one night about how we should see each other soon and 48 hours later she was in one of our favorite places on earth. We had so much fun catching up and you would never know we hadn’t seen each other in 4 years. On our last day there a bunch of the old girls came up :)
Camping/Train Ride – Ohio
The same weekend I went to Auntie’s, Micah took Haddon camping and on a train ride to the zoo. He is the best daddy.
He did it.
He gave up his beloved pacifier… sort of.
We had it written on the calendar. We have been praying. We have been warning him that once its broken we wont get anymore. We have been reading him books about giving them up. We have been telling him he is a big boy and doesn’t need it much longer. We were fully prepared (except emotionally) to cut the tip off of it on our scheduled weekend.
Micah and Haddon went on an adventure last weekend. On the way home Haddon bit a hole through his beloved doe doe. Micah has an iPad recording of him bawling saying “I bit it, I bit it, its broken, I broke it”. Micah said the crying lasted for about 15-20 minutes. When I got home that night, I could hear outside Haddon’s bedroom door a song that Micah had made up and been singing for weeks:
“No more doe doe no more doe doe
I’m a big boy, I’m a big boy.
I play with my trucks and my big boy toys.
I’m a big boy!”
He sang it the next morning too. The night before he only woke up once for 5 minutes…
He held onto doe doe at nap time and bedtime for 2 more days before throwing it in the trash on his own. I may have mentioned… “if it’s broken, shouldn’t we just throw it away?” (safety!) and he said “yes!” and marched downstairs and threw it in the trash.
He has asked for it a couple times but when we say, “well you know what happened to it” he tells us “I bit it, its in the trash”.
I am so so proud of him, I’m so thankful. I have no idea how something like that could have gone any better.
In our house we consider it a straight miracle.
*We had originally planned on taking it the week it broke and when unexpected plans came up we moved it to the next weekend when we would all be home. Love it*
I can’t believe we are already here! This summer absolutely flew by. Time just always feels like that now I think… please remind me I said this when I am in my last month of pregnancy!
It rang true this time around that second trimester is the best. My energy was back, I came out of the haze, plenty of doctors visits and baby kicks. I just love the second trimester.
Gender: Girl. Beyond excited for this little one. I didn’t realize how thrilled I would be to have a girl.
Weight Gain: I don’t even want to talk about this haha I got talked to a little about watching carbs and sugar… so I did for a while. It helped. I wasn’t gaining as quickly but I was hungry without carbs. I tried to just make sure they were good ones… but you know how a little yeast grows… it quickly allowed me to “cheat” with sugar and other carbs. So as much as I would like to say I’ll get better at that, I just dont know if I will! Anyway, I am finishing up the second trimester close to 120.
Working Out: With all that said… I still am able to work out and I am so so thankful. Sometimes I’ll get finished a run and literally put my hands up and say thank you Lord for health and lungs and being able to do this still. It gives me endorphins like no other to work out and so I have been able to consistently jog and do PiYo 5-6x a week. I am getting slower and more modified of course but it is so worth it to do it. There was a day I thought I wouldnt be able to jog anymore and I got so sad because I know that day will come soon but it was when I was like only 20 weeks. Fortunately, after some advice and trying different things I just had to realize my limitations. Working out is my “me” time and Micah is sweet about either doing it with me or allowing me to do it.
Body Changes: Clearly I look a little different than 13 weeks ago but I am more in shape than I was with Haddon and I am beyond thankful for the opportunity to carry a child. Like with Haddon, my chest hasn’t changed…and has started leaking super early again. I am hoping to hear next week that my placenta previa has also changed!
Funniest Moments: There have been so many between the both of the guys… One thing is that I do not want to forget is Haddon sitting near me and I said: “Haddon, did you feel your sister kick you?” Haddon gets a really disturbed look on his face and tries to hit my stomach. I realize then that I needed to be more careful with my words. We now say, “do you feel your sister moving?” It goes over a lot better!
Long story short, I go to a practice where I see a bunch of midwives/OBs. The OB that discovered my marginal previa wasn’t concerned about it because there was no bleeding. I asked so many reassuring questions and he answered all of them and said we would talk further if it hadnt moved by my next ultrasound. Well the midwife I saw next asked me “how the pelvic rest was going?” When I asked her what that was she looked pretty concerned and had to go look up the OB’s notes.
Sweetest Moments: Micah is just amazing and encouraging. Haddon is SO cute. I have no idea what he understands but he definitely knows a baby is coming. He tries to give her things. Like if something is hers (a bunny, something that comes in the mail, clothes, etc), he will hold it up to my stomach. He got a “big brother medal” at Verity’s shower and he likes to wear it a lot. Verity’s “Sprinkle” – what a sweet time of encouragement, prayer, friends and lots of cute things!
What I am looking forward to: EVERYTHING…. except, lack of sleep and labor. I used to be nervous I wouldn’t love her like Haddon. I’m not nervous about it anymore. I am realizing more and more that my love for him has taught me how to love in ways I would have never imagined and that will just grow.
The second time around:
Birth – Due to the previa, I’ve hardly thought about birth at all! If I have to get a scheduled c-section I’m not gonna get worked up thinking about the way it might go down. Ideally, I’d love to go unmedicated again because of the quick recovery/amazingness I felt after Haddon. However, I’m way less concerned about it this time around and just pray we can both stay healthy.
Nursing – I am not ignorant like the first time (where I thought if you stuck your baby to your chest there was never an issue). I will be feeding on demand, letting the baby sleep near me for a long time, eating “helpful” things, pumping, etc. I got my thyroid checked… and am waiting on the results from that. So if I still have trouble with supply, etc I’ll just know I’m one of those in a small percentage that does and not stress about it.
Schedules – I am just a more relaxed person in general than I was with Haddon. I thought if I read and did everything “right” things would be grand. Really, I am realizing more and more that boundaries are great things but children and families are different and you are constantly learning.
I am so thankful for our growing family and the way the Lord is changing and shaping my heart. One more tri to go and while I know its the longest, I’m gonna soak up every second!
Last weekend we were in Harrisonburg for a friend’s wedding and “A Sprinkle for Verity”.
I can’t begin to describe how much I love that place – Harrisonburg. Going back gets me teary eyed every time.
It’s where I met God. Met my husband. It’s where the most beautiful friendships started and continue to endure beyond those mountainous views.
Lauren has headed up throwing my bridal shower, a Haddon shower, and now a Verity sprinkle all at our dear Beth’s house.
She outdoes herself in the making me feel special department every time.
Forget the word sprinkle, it was more like a downpour of love and encouragement.
Our family is so thankful. Thanks to all who continue to love us through the many transitions of life.
One thing I realized how this weekend is how lonely motherhood and moving can be… and how THANKFUL I am to have friendships that endure through graduations, marriages, moving, mommying, etc!
My friend said this the other day and I couldn’t agree more:
“It used to be be that one had to do research, write a dissertation, or have extensive experience in an area to be a credible expert. These days, one just needs to own a social media account or a blog. Ah, the internet; where everyone is an expert on Israel, ISIS, suicide, and Robin Williams’ personal life.”
I don’t know what it is… the drug of Facebook that keeps me going back for more. To be quite honest, half the time I’m on it I get annoyed. I love to see how everyone is doing though… maybe that’s what it is. Or maybe it really just is an addictive habit, to press like to anything that tickles my fancy…
Let’s not even get started on… baby topics like…weaning, breastfeeding in public, unmedicated childbirth, weight loss, weight maintenance, the latest and greatest “try out this diet” fad, which XYZ is the best to use, look how I decorated my house, etc.
I don’t get on a platform every time I see something I agree or disagree with. Although sometimes I am tempted to and I guess sometimes I do. You know what though, they don’t really matter, my personal opinions about such carnal matters.
I am afraid we are becoming a culture who speaks way more than we think – thinks about others, thinks about circumstances and perspective thinks about truth, the kind of truth that actually matters.
That is where I struggle though… did we ever get anywhere in life by staying silent? Are we supposed to go out into the world and speak and make disciples? YES. So why are we wasting so much dag on time on speaking, doing, spending, etc on things that don’t matter AT ALL in light of eternity? (I’m not yelling at you I promise, I am asking myself these things). Are they important for the here and now? Are they things that should be ignored? No, not necessarily. I am just wondering where we put our efforts.
It’s great to be encouraged or be encouraging. It’s great to inform people and teach people things. I’m just not so sure Facebook/Instagram statuses are the most effective ways to do it. Because just as my friend said, everyone does it. It doesn’t matter who you are, we all have opinions.
I’m making it my ambition to live a quiet life for a while.
I’ll still be around, I’m not going on another media fast so to speak – I’m not against Facebook, Instagram, blogs, etc. I just want to fill my mind with things that matter more. I want my heart to be burdened more by eternal truths and our need for Christ.
So in trying to live a more quiet life socially, I’m going to be slower to speak, slower to hit like, slower to hit share, slower to post than I have been… quicker to listen to sermons, to read the word, to be intentional with my kids, quicker to look for ways to love those around me, etc.
We have one life and contrary to what the world tells us it isn’t about our name or fame or opinions or likes or any of those things. It’s about Him.
I was listening to a sermon last night and this line really stuck with me… “as true Christians, we aren’t supposed to look like a more cleaned up version of the world”. Being concerned with carnal things is worldly, no matter what spin we want to put on it.
We need to fix our eyes on things above.
*I’ll still share personal things on my own personal blog*
We had our 20 week scan today and the baby looks good.
I, however, got talked to about my weight and I do have “marginal placenta previa“. He wasn’t too concerned since I haven’t bled at all. I would appreciate all the prayers I can get to have it move though! We will check again in 8 weeks to see if the placenta has moved at all. The plus side is we get to see her again.
We can’t wait to meet you VERITY DOWNS. We are in awe of another little miracle. Thank you Lord.
Another vacation in the OBX!
George and Ruth Downs invested down there when people weren’t going down there yet! They sold their first primitive cottage and purchased a newer one in the same neighborhood about 20 years ago.
It’s on the sound side of the street but not right on the sound and a short walk or even shorter ride across the street to the beach.
Grandma Ruth uses it for friends and family and it is such a blessing.
I started going with the Downs while Micah and I were just dating and look forward to it at least once a year!
We had no idea what to expect from Haddon this year. Last year, he was small enough to nap on the beach and not wander off to far. This year he was obsessed with “police car trucks” aka the beach patrol trucks and lifeguards. Ya know the airplanes that fly by and advertise? Whenever, he would see one with letters he would announce: “airplane! ABCD” and if one flew by without letters he would say: “no ABCD that one”. He makes life so noticeable. Every little moment of it through a child’s eyes is incredible.
Haddon had a great time with his cousins! Oh my those kids can play together.
While we went with family, it was our last time at the beach as a “family of three”. I have such mixed feelings about that, which I assume is normal. At one point Micah took Haddon in the waves and I was standing on the shore trying to document it (of course). I asked myself what the heck I was doing and went in there with them. Next year, I’ll be on the shore nursing a baby. I am trying to soak up all these moments together.
of holy matrimony… and oh what a sacred thing it is.
People have so many ideas of it. So many different expectations that it and the spouse will bring to completion.
The truth is marriage is for God’s glory and He is working His perfect way in the people involved and the covenant itself. God is the one that completes the people and the work in marriage till death do they part. Oh how I pray that is not for many years, and He will have His perfect way in us and through us for years and years.
When we forget who its truly about and for, things can feel and look pretty messy. Two imperfect people living together, making decisions together, being a family together… there is a lot of room for ugly. There is a whole lot of room for grace though, and forgiveness and learning and growing.
I am thankful for the ugly moments, especially because we are blessed to not have them too too often. When we do though beautiful grace shines through afterwards.
I am so thankful for my husband who points me to the giver and author of marriage and grace and forgiveness and mercy.
I love you Micah Downs.